


the story of another us

by sekaiakgae



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ex friends with benefits, Jongdae Is An Angel, Lots of tears, M/M, Miscommunication, Smut, actor sehun, communication is always the key, director jongin, jongin is always angry, sehun calls jongin kim kai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:09:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25261369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sekaiakgae/pseuds/sekaiakgae
Summary: "an epilogue before we're done,a sequel to what we've begun"This movie is a really big thing for Sehun and he doesn't care if the President, or Beyoncé, or his fucking ex directed the movie because he's getting a whole new opportunity out of this project and nothing can ruin his chance.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 16
Kudos: 91





	the story of another us

**Author's Note:**

> listen to story of another us by 5sos when it gets angsty to get the desired feels

"I'll take it."

Jongdae looked at Sehun in surprise, observing how his nonchalant tone matched his laid back position on the couch, balancing a fidget spinner on his pointer finger. 

"Shit," cursed Sehun after dropping the spinner. He paused from picking up the toy to look at Jongdae's still frozen rock body, looking positively stupefied (Sehun is sure his face could rival that dumb pikachu meme). He picked the spinner and commented, "You okay, hyung?"

"Sehun, are you sure you heard me right?" Jongdae asked him in disbelief. 

" _By the way, you were offered a role for the movie SMP has been working on for autumn 2021_ , was what you said." Sehun smiled smugly – as an actor, he prides himself with his ability to commit words into memory. It worked super well in his five-year old career of raking his eyes over pages after pages of scripted lines and simultaneously schooling his expressions to match his lines and the emotions for a particular character. 

"You might have missed the info I said about Kim Kai directing the movie," Jongdae said in the Sassy Manager tone Sehun have always found amusing but now it only serves to annoy him.

Sehun's eye twitched and his hands reached swiftly to the previously resting fidget spinner, playing with it lightly. 

_"Oh no. A romantic relationship isn't really very appealing as of the moment. I'm sure it would just be a huge distraction from more important stuff."_

The downside to this innate memorization skill is the engraving of words to his mind, especially the painful ones, the words sticking with him even after years have passed.

Sehun directed an empty stare at his manager who is visibly tensing up at his cold stare. 

"What does he have to do with my decision for a good role?"

"Look, what happened five years ago–"

"Have already happened and will not happen again, Jongdae-hyung." The gradual spinning of the spinner have slowly increased in speed. Jongdae sighed.

"Okay, I'm sorry, Sehun. It's just that– You have really made a name for yourself in the industry now...If what happened back then happens again, you'll be in an even tighter spot." 

Sehun is aware Jongdae is only looking out for him. After all, he was the one who watched Sehun almost lose himself years ago and ultimately was the one who pulled Sehun out of his self-loathing hole. But it had been more than five years now and Sehun have already learned his lessons, damn it. He will not let his decisions in the past ruin the opportunity laid out on his feet in the present.

"I know. I love my job more than anything else now, unlike back then," Sehun said, his voice filled with genuineness before lighting up and continuing, "And I'll be damned if I didn't do my best for this role, because, c'mon hyung, SM Productions? They're filthy big! That's a huge ass opportunity, did you really think I'd turn that down?"

Jongdae laughed at him before standing up to sit beside Sehun on the couch and ruffled his hair fondly.

"Nope, I really didn't." Except he kind of did when he heard Kim Kai was involved, so this has been a surprising turn of events. "You've really matured, Sehunnie," he said.

Matured is an understatement, Sehun wanted to say. _Grew the fuck out of his lovestruck mind_ would be more like it. He instead flashed a small smile at his manager.

"Anyway, the higher-ups would surely ring you up for a meeting. You know, to discuss fees and contracts and stuff. Schedules too," Jongdae said before looking Sehun in the eye, "I'll let them know you've taken the offer, let you sign the contract and the next things would be all up to the production team."

Sehun nodded resolutely, excitement gradually growing in his gut. Oh he'll sign that contract, alright. He'll earn himself a reputation as a renowned actor in the acting industry, like he have always dreamed of, and he will not let any fragments of his past affect him negatively through his journey.

  
It was a week after the meeting with the Company Superiors, as Sehun likes to call them, when he was booked to his first schedule for the preproduction of the movie.

"They would need you and a couple other actors to act up lines, see where they'd need polishing both on the scripts and to the way you'll present your lines." Was what Jongdae said so here he was, standing close behind his manager, walking his way inside SM Productions on the way to the meeting place the production team chose.

While Sehun was ambling his way down the long corridor, his posture ever so confident and composed, he caught sight of a familiar face and almost ran off to engulf the man with a koala hug.

"Chanyeol-hyung!"

Said man jumped in surprise, limbs flailing and all, before squinting his eyes to recognize the growing silhouette of Sehun walking breezily towards him. He vaguely recognizes Jongdae who slapped Sehun on the arm for "...shouting so loudly in a big ass building". Once the actor and his manager reached Chanyeol, Sehun immediately clings to the slightly taller man and squeezed him to kingdom come.

"So, there's this new club in Itaewon..." Sehun trails off after relieving Chanyeol of his octopus hug. Chanyeol glared at him.

"You see me after two years and the first thing you do is rope me out to get smashed?" Chanyeol deadpans at him. Sehun only raises a perfectly groomed brow at him so the man just sighed defeatedly and glares at Sehun half-heartedly, "The drinks' on me."

"Love it when you fold and says 'on me'. I feel like a spoiled child."

"You ARE a spoiled child," Jongdae pitched in from behind Sehun before reaching out a hand for Chanyeol to take, "Hey Yeol, how've you been, man?"

"Hey Dae, just dandy to be honest. Maybe a bit on the stressed side. I just arrived on the country like a month ago and the first thing I see on my mailbox was a letter from SMP renting me to co-direct Kim's movie. They were mid-ways on the movie by the time I joined the team so I didn't know what they needed old me for!" He said all in one go. Sehun smiled fondly at his friend, finding comfort in the way he still talks in loud bouts of words. Sehun and Chanyeol met through a premiere for a movie Sehun had a supporting role in and Chanyeol was invited as he was one of the prominent figures in the country's filming industry. They immediately hit it off and instantly became besties until Chanyeol had to leave for America to co-direct a foreign movie. Until then, the only communication they had with each other were the rare occasions they were both in the mood to FaceTime and the occasional ridiculing on the comments of each other's Instagram posts.

"You're amazing, you'd fit perfectly well with the team. I was told Byun was on the technicals with this one?" 

"Yeah, that little piece of...." Chanyeol paused from cursing Byun Baekhyun before cutting himself off at the sight of the person walking his way to their group. He sent a wide-eyed look of panic to Sehun and warning him, "Don't look behind you but-"

"Hey, Chanyeol-hyung," a voice so smooth and suave pitched in from behind Sehun and Jongdae; the voice Sehun knew so well; the voice hunting his mind ever since forever.

" _Oh, no. A romantic relationship isn't really very appealing as of the moment. I'm sure it would just be a huge distraction from more important stuff._ "

And Sehun is lucky to have spent almost a third of his life honing his acting skills because as he turned around with a carefully blank face, no sign that Sehun's heart was in fact aching in recognition, showed on his face

There he is, in all of his towering glory (he seemed to have grown even taller), his skin Sehun have always found so beautiful, the eyes that could speak a thousand words, and the lips that have never relayed what his eyes and heart willed him to say. Sehun's fingers twitched as he holds himself back from digging into his front pocket and pulling out his toy to frustratedly spin and play with. 

He looks even more beautiful than he did years ago. It has been so long ever since Sehun shared the same space with Kim Jongin and no amount of reports about the young excellent director Kim Kai that Sehun would often catch on news outlets every Sunday mornings could prepare him of the sight in front of him. 

Sehun have long buried memories of their time together and memories that have ripped their relationship apart. Staying in those times and reminiscing memories that could only leave him in a slump once again would just ruin him the way he ruined himself years ago. And so with renewed determination, he had erased all thoughts about Kim Jongin and presently, he would not let the director's matured beauty and the way he smells good pull those thoughts back in action.

"Oh Sehun," Jongin coolly says, his confident eyes never wavering. And if there is someone that could rival Jongin's prideful confidence, it would always be Sehun.

"Kim Kai-ssi," Sehun said, smirking ever so slightly. He finds great pride for the narrowed eyes Jongin sent at his smug smirk.

No one spoke a word between the two, all up in their hateful bubbles sending barely held back glares. It is only with a clear of throat courtesy of Chanyeol did Sehun looked away from Jongin's cold stare.

"They need everyone in the room," Chanyeol said, awkwardly gesturing towards the meeting room and leading the way. Sehun followed closely, not even gracing Jongin with another look, as he entered the meeting room in confidence.

Jongin was the last to enter the room, taking his place at the far end of the table fitting for the director. Everyone greeted the people they recognize, smiling politely to the ones they don't. Sehun caught sight of his co-actors and is internally delighted that the main leads along with him are the ones he was comfortable with.

"Sehunnie!" someone called from the other side of the room and Sehun lights up at the sight of Soojung waving him over, Yixing standing next to her with his lazy dimpled smile.

Soojung, Yixing, and Sehun took their time catching up, sharing stories of their own schedules. Their packed schedules and the industry they are all working on do not really give them the time to interact with each other outside of the variety show sets they would occasionally be part of. And now that they would all be part of the production of the s film, Sehun is beyond happy.

Yixing is in the middle of retelling a story from the time he was in China, filming in a place with "ten thousand pigeons", when Jongin called out the attention of everyone in the room. They all immediately slipped into their professional fronts as the meeting progresses.

When the time the actors were given tentative scripts to read out for the team, Sehun have forgotten everything else and focused on the lines before him. He read over the script, grasping the emotions he needs to convey, and mouthing the words in memorization. 

"Main leads, please read over on page 5, it's written as the _park scene_."

Soojung was the first to read her lines outloud, the beautiful tone of her voice filling the room as everyone gets pulled by her emotion-filled voice. Yixing butts in with the line of his own, creating an argumentive harmony between his character and Soojung's. Their characters went on with their scripted argument as Sehun mentally prepares himself. Sehun–or his character– cut off Soojung (like what was written on the script) and voiced out his lines. He can vaguely feel Jongin's icy stare on him as he finishes his lines and Soojung finalizing the scene. Sehun looks up just in time for the production team and everyone else in the meeting room clapping their hands lightly. 

"Yep, that's exactly what the movie needs. The team did an amazing job picking you three as the leads," Chanyeol commented, chancing a look at Jongin who, more or less, looks unimpressed. The director pursed his lips as everyone waited for his say on the little voice acting the main leads did.

"I need you to work on your expression," he said, eyes trained on Sehun. Sehun looks back at him with a blank stare, disbelief clouding his mind. 

"Who, Director?" someone across the room asked.

"Oh Sehun-ssi."

It took everything in Sehun not to roll his eyes at the man at the end of the table. His expressions are just fine!

"His expressions are just fine, though?" Yixing comments and Sehun wants to hug him. He looks at Jongin with a raised brow as if telling him his opinion was not valid.

"There was this part, line 15, act this part out again." Sehun did so, mentally strangling Jongin's neck while simultaneously acting out the part the director pointed out.

"See? No emotion at all." Sehun finally stopped fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

"I mean, it's supposed to be acted out with no emotion, after all."

"Wha-" Jongin was cut off by Chanyeol moving to show him the script and pointing out a line. His furrowed brows dissolves and Sehun fights the urge to cackle at his dumb face.

"I think you've forgotten to bring your glasses today, Director Kim," Sehun said in an attempt to lighten up the damp situation, vaguely remembering how many times Jongin have went over Sehun's place all those years ago and complaining about the glasses he'd always forget on his nightstand.

The director only glares at him before signalling the scriptwriters to voice out their opinions.

The meeting lasted for two hours more and by the time it was done, Sehun just wanted to sleep the rest of the day away. Being in the same room as Jongin tired him out more than the boring semantics the production team laid out on the entirety of the meeting. He barely looked at the director but on the times he did, he would always catch Jongin already staring at him with a stare showing his resentment well. Sehun played out his Blank Face Game all throughout the meeting and it wasn't all that hard, it was his default face after all, but on the presence of Jongin, it really took him his all not to glare back at the fiery look Jongin throws at him.

After bidding Soojung, Yixing, Chanyeol, and a couple more people goodbye, he went out of the room and went straight to his manager who was already looking at him in concern.

"What."

"How did it go?" Jongdae asked expectantly.

"It went...fine? Why are you acting this way, it was just a meeting," Sehun said, irritated. This annoyance has been growing steadily big ever since Jongdae dropped the news of Sehun being casted in the movie. Sehun despised the fact that Jongdae was acting all worry wart about him crossing paths with Jongin again. Chanyeol too, Sehun observed from the panicked look he sent at Sehun when Jongin butted in on their conversation earlier. This movie is a really big thing for Sehun and he doesn't care if the President, or Beyoncé, or his fucking ex directed the movie because he's getting a whole new opportunity out of this project and nothing can ruin his chance.

Jongdae looked at him in contemplation before sighing and nodding, "Yeah, sorry, I know. Anyway, you want to go to that noodle place a few walks from here?"

Sehun regards the way his manager directed the attention away from their previous conversation and nods to Jongdae's suggestion because what else can temporarily erase thoughts of a Kim Jongin out of his mind than a steaming bowl of kongnamul japchae and a bottle or two of cold beer?

  
Months of taxing yet rewarding filming have come and go and now they have a quarter left of the scenes to film. It wasn't all rainbows and sunny skies at all, for Sehun. 

During the first months of filming, Jongin barely acknowledged Sehun's presence during the sets, opting more on pointing out slips and faults of his co-actors. Sehun wasn't at all complaining. After all, he accepted the offer to make a name of himself and not to mess with his ex boyfriend. He believes the reason for the director taking no account of his existence was the little episode he pulled during the preproduction meeting. Sehun did not miss the little gossips between the technical team after that day and surely, Jongin didn't as well. The shoots went too smoothly Sehun was not surprised it would go downhill from there.

By the time half of the film was shot, Sehun and basically the whole production team noticed the sudden change in the director. Jongin suddenly took a whole 360 from regarding Sehun's existence as if he was merely a prop in the set into noticing every single thing Sehun does. And no it wasn't the "I notice the way you tuck your hair behind your ear" or the "I never miss how you look laughing whenever someone cracks a joke". It's more like a "you're not doing that thing right, do it again" and "are you even trying? do it a-fucking-gain". And Sehun is this close to pulling his hair out in frustration but as usual, he never gave the director the pleasure of watching him lose his shit. Perhaps, it was the one thing he liked about the setup between him and Jongin; Jongin busting a nerve pointing out what Sehun was "doing wrong" and Sehun looking at him blankly because come on he's doing his job fucking well if you ask him and the rest of the team.

"Cut!" Jongin bellowed from his personalized director chair–it's got a massive embossed and cursive _Kim Kai_ at the back, Sehun wants to burn the chair–and glared daggers at Sehun frustratedly before saying (shouting, actually), "Will you get your head in the game? We've ran this scene seven times because of you!" It was just two times, to be honest. The first time is because the huge overhead mic failed to work and this second time is because Sehun fell two steps short from his assigned blocking.

Sehun just stood there, doing his favorite breathing technique before looking at Soojung who is the one he's filming a scene with.

"Sorry, let's do it again," he said genuinely to the woman who only gave him a sympathetic look and a comforting smile.

"Sehun!" Oh yeah, he apparently graduated from the 'Oh Sehun-ssi' honorific a month ago.

Sehun looked at Jongin who is sporting a scowl. If he doesn't feel like punching the director's face, he would've been aroused by the frustrated look he's got on his face. 

"I'm sorry, Kim Kai-ssi. I'll do better," Sehun said in faux softness, partly to anger the director more. 

He doesn't know when it started but the initial pang of ache hitting his chest the first times he saw Jongin once again seemed to have faded with time. Sehun almost feels invincible, rubbing Jongin at all the wrong places, angering the hell out of him unconsciously, and Sehun is enjoying it. He definitely prefers feeling smug and mischievous over the director than feeling hurt and reminiscing all of their times together.

" _Oh, no. A romantic relationship isn't really very appealing as of the moment. I'm sure it would just be a huge distraction from more important stuff_."

But the occasional flashes of memories still never left Sehun. He would once again feel vulnerable remembering what happened years ago. He's just become more able to handle the situation, especially now that he can direct all of the remaining feelings as anger for the subject of his memories.

"I have always been here...Always been with you and yet-" Sehun cuts himself off, turning his back to Soojung and frustratedly ran his hand across his face before turning back around with tears threatening to escape his eyes, "Y-you never even looked at me... the way you would look at him." 

The whole crew watched in astonishment as the lines escape Sehun's mouth in soft whimpers, perfectly representing his soft-spoken character.

Jongin thinks otherwise.

"No! No, no, no. Do this part again," he waved a hand in the air in emphasis and signalled the camera director, Baekhyun–who is looking at him like he grew two heads–to redo the shot.

Sehun gripped his hands into a fist beside him, suddenly feeling the need of something to distract his fingers with. It doesn't help that his spinner toy is safely tucked inside his pouch resting in his makeshift dressing room.

"What's wrong with it, Kim?" Chanyeol, as taken aback as the rest of the team was, interjected from his place beside the scriptwriters who are subtly giving the director the stink eye. They were being pulled by Sehun's acting already but Kim Kai just had to cut the scene short.

" _He's_ what's wrong," Jongin gestured at the direction of Sehun who looks more calm than he feels. His shaking hands were the only signs that there was actually a burning angry fire in his gut. Beside him, Soojung took his shaking hand in her soft ones and squeezed them in reassurance. He couldn't thank her enough.

"What did I do wrong, Kim Kai-ssi?" Sehun asked softly, face as blank as white paper. The question clearly took Jongin aback as everyone watched the director clenched his jaw, the question still hanging in the air.

It seemed like there was a conversation going on between the two of them, arising from Sehun's question with an obvious double meaning. The filming set grew tense as the actor and the director stared at each other's stone face.

" _Oh, no. A romantic relationship isn't really very appealing as of the moment. I'm sure it would just be a huge distraction from more important stuff_."

What _did_ he do wrong? As far as Sehun knows, Jongin was the one who couldn't settle into a serious relationship with him. This dumb push and pull tension between them in their filming sets is getting tiring, to be very honest. Sehun could only take too much of the insults the director would throw at him, no matter how much he knows it's just because they had a past. After all he's an excellent actor and his pride cannot take more of Kim Kai's biased opinion against his acting.

Jongin suddenly stood up from his grand seat (Sehun oh so hates that seat) and makes his way towards the set. Soojung, after feeling Sehun squeeze her hand, blocked Sehun's body from Jongin's slowly approaching figure as if on impulse. Sehun thinks she's a sweetheart.

"Please step out of the way, Soojung-ssi," Jongin told her as politely as he can with an intense eye focused on the tall man behind her.

Sehun puffed his chest out, despite the racing beats of his heart, and braved forward over to where Jongin stands in front of the living room they have been using as filming ground.

Suddenly, all of the air escaped his lungs as he forgets to breathe, when Jongin gripped his shoulder tightly but not enough for him to feel uncomfortable, and squeezed himself into Sehun's personal bubble.

"I...have always been here," he breathily says, inching a shaking hand up to caress Sehun's face. A lump formed at Sehun's throat at the familiarity of it all, feeling himself drown in the memories he so tried to forget. His heartbeat quickens in pace as Jongin continues.

"Have always been with you, by your side and yet-" Suddenly, Sehun feels Jongin's figure inching away from Sehun's space and Sehun so wants to reach out and pull him back, missing the feeling of his warm body in his arms. 

Jongin pauses, his back turned away from Sehun, before turning back around with a completely different look from his previously vulnerable eyes.

"Yet, you never looked at me the way you would look at him!" He looks so broken yet so angry, Sehun feels a squeeze in his heart thinking whether there even is an ounce of truth in the feelings behind Jongin's scripted words. 

"Have I ever mattered to you?!" Jongin is blatantly screaming by now, and amidst all the overwhelming emotions threatening to kill himself from the inside, Sehun now sees what Jongin was pointing out.

"Okay," he said quietly. He nodded his head slowly before continuing, "I understand what was wrong, Director Kim Kai."

Jongin stared at him with the same vulnerable look in his eyes, still in the high of his very emotional acting, piercing Sehun's unemotional ones. He seemed to have realized where he was as he cleared his throat and straighten up.

"Good," Jongin sent a look at Baekhyun's team to signal the reshooting of the scene before turning back to look at a blank faced Sehun and a worried looking Soojung, "please continue."

The production team seemed to have been paralyzed by the whole thing. They watched as everyone else but Sehun and Jongin felt like there was a whole elephant in the room that neither of the two sees. They are both so nonchalant about the emotional episode they just did, everyone felt a sense of admiration for the professionalism the two held.

Chanyeol cut the tension with his booming voice and all but screams, "Action!"

"What was that little show you pulled with Kai earlier?" Baekhyun prodded. The booming noise from the EDM pumping through the speakers irritates Sehun's ears.

"Fuck if I know," he mumbled before downing a glass shot of raw Bacardi chasing it down with a gulp of pineapple juice.

"Hey, slow down, tiger. That's your eighth now," Jongdae warned him from across the booth, nursing his own glass of rum.

After the shoot that day, Sehun never felt so hungry for a strong alcohol to run down his throat more than he did at that moment. Jongin's look in his eyes couldn't leave his mind, clouding his thoughts with confusion more than anything.

Why did he seem so upset? It has been years and Sehun expected Jongin to forget their 'relationship', if he can even call their thing a relationship. Sehun have let Jongin push him around during sets, blaming their past as the reason Jongin have been stingy with him. But true to the fucking world, Sehun had no idea where this hatred Jongin seemed to have for Sehun even came from. 

" _Oh, no. A romantic relationship isn't really very appealing as of the moment. I'm sure it would just be a huge distraction from more important stuff_."

If he never felt it in him to be in a relationship, surely he would have been more than relieved to have Sehun out of his life.

"Ah fuck, my head hurts," Sehun grumbled before reaching out for another shot of alcohol before it was snatched forcefully by Chanyeol and was replaced by a cup of cold water.

"You do know another shot of alcohol wouldn't relieve you from headache right?" He said almost amusedly before continuing like the scholarly man he isn't, "We have water for that."

"Can this shit relieve me from heartache too?" Sehun said droopily, mind filled with golden skin, honey voice, intense glares, and an unhealthy amount of alcohol.

Jongdae, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun looked at him with widened eyes. They cannot remember when was the last time Sehun opened up about his and Jongin's affairs. It was a sensitive subject to be breached and they would always steer clear whenever their conversations would somehow go down that direction. 

"How dare he?" Sehun hiccups, drunkenly raising a finger in the air, "After five? No, five point five years... of time apart you'd think he'd care less 'bout me. But nooooo, he gave me shit and I was just doing my fucking job. The hell?? He's always so mad at me and I don't even know what the hell I did!" He exclaimed before quickly gulping from the bottle of Bacardi, no one could stop him. "Ah shit, that's strong," he coughed out.

"Sehun, c'mon dude, you're drunk," Baekhyun, having been sitting beside the drunk man, snatched the bottle away from him, feeling grateful when Sehun let him. 

"No, no, hear me out, Baek. I didn't know you yet from that time, it's only fair you know because you're my friend," he said, drunk out of his mind.

"No, really. It's okay, I'll hear it some other time. Let's go home," Baekhyun said as softly as he can, sending a pleading look to Jongdae and Chanyeol who only had grim looks on their faces.

"Let's hear him out, Baek. I don't think he can ever open up sober," Jongdae said, feeling a pang of hurt for his friend. He was there when Sehun succumbed to his slump, he was there when Sehun went more than a week without rising from his bed, when Sehun resigned to easing his nerves through addictive smoking, when Sehun almost lost his career after their separation. And yet he never once heard any word come out of Sehun about the thing he had with Jongin. He could only watch in silence at that time, never knowing why Sehun reduced himself to an unsightly man who couldn't even find the motivation to rise up from his bed.

"Thank you, Dae," Sehun said, a smile on his face directed to his manager before continuing in slurs, "Director Kim Kai, as everyone knows, is the perfect handsome tall young achiever who snatched awards after awards for being a formidable actor at such a young age." Everyone else in the table never felt more relieved that they rented a whole private booth to themselves. Sehun is flat out exclaiming his words out loud.

"You sound like a reporter," Chanyeol chuckles, attempting to make light of the conversation.

"Of course, just the best for Kim Kai," Sehun nods, his voice laced with seriousness.

"Like practically anyone else, I fell in love with him. Like, the ugly romantic-heart-beating-when-I-see-him shit. That was a year into my acting career, a'ight. I mean he was so hot and all, could you really blame me????" Sehun said with a bright smile, as if storytelling a beautiful fairytale, and looked at his friends, expecting an answer and only to be met by soft eyes looking back at him. 

Sehun felt the metaphorical ice cold bucket of water poured into him at the sight of his friends sympathetically looking at him. Who was he kidding? This isn't a fucking fairytale. The thing between him and Jongin was the farthest thing from a fairytale.

He sighed before slumping forward and draining the remaining water from his cup, "And there's that. One day we hooked up and one day became two. Two days became a week. A week became a month. Until we were fooling around for about a year."

He swallowed the lump growing in his throat and stole Jongdae's glass of rum and one-shots it before Jongdae could say anything. Jongdae lets him.

"I was in love with him right? And I thought he was in love with me too, I mean. He was- he was sending these small signals through his actions and the way he looked at me, of course I'd expect he was in love with me. It was so dumb the more I think about it. Af-after all, we just started out as- as fuck buddies. It was wishful thinking in the end."

Drops of tears landed on the table as Sehun wipes them off futilely, chuckling when he realized he only made more mess of himself. 

"I was so sure he loved me too, y'know. I even almost fucked right off and tell him that I love him but luckily he had to wipe all of the dumb thoughts I made up in my mind," he said placidly. He looks like he gave up even trying to stop his tears from falling as they freely ran down his cheeks.

" _Oh, no. A romantic relationship isn't really very appealing as of the moment. I'm sure it would just be a huge distraction from more important stuff_."

Those two sentences, they hunt him to this day. 

"Because after all, I was just a good fuck and nothing more to him." Sehun finishes with a grand clap of his hands and a bow. His friends watched his bowed figure slowly shake as he inhales deeply to stop himself from outright sobbing.

  
_"Hey."_

_Jongin hums in response._

_"I'm so proud of you," Sehun whispered through the dead of the night, feeling Jongin's naked chest under his cheek move in a huff of small laughter._

_"I know," Jongin whispered back, carding his hands through Sehun's soft locks. Sehun closed his eyes in serene calmness. He wishes this moment could last forever._

_"Don't you ever forget me when you finally take over the filming industry, understood?" Sehun said it in a way that is meant to pull out a laugh from Jongin and it did. Only Sehun knows how much he meant it not in a joking manner._

_"Hmm, I'll try," Jongin hums teasingly, and continued, "I'd have even more fans by then. You'd have to line up just to see me." Sehun almost purrs at the scratching behind his ear._

_"Don't I get a special treatment?"_

_"I guess. You're the one who warms my bed up after all." Sehun knows it was meant to be a joke but he can't deny the fact that his heart dropped by Jongin's words._

_The winds coming through the opened window, making the curtains dance in a graceful wave, kissed their bare skins as the moment stretched on with just the two of them, the sound of their rhythmic breathing, the distant white noise of the cars wheezing past the streets, and words hanging in the air, begging to be said._

_Sehun blames it on the tranquil atmosphere of after sex and to the beautiful sound of Jongin's heartbeat as he plucks up the courage to say what he truly feels._

_"Jonginnie." He rose up from his cozy place on Jongin's chest, hovering over Jongin's curious face. He promptly drops a chaste kiss on his bruised lips, smiling softly as Jongin responds just as tenderly._

_"What is wrong with you?" Jongin curiously asks, his voice fond. Sehun swallows his nerves._

_"I-" The ringing of Jongin's phone disrupted his long overdue words of confession, successfully killing the previously peaceful air along with Sehun's newfound courage._

_"Hang on, that must be a staff from the show." Jongin reached over to his bedside table to pick his ringing phone up and continuing, "They did say someone's gonna ring me up for tomorrow's interview."_

_Sehun rolled off of Jongin and laid down on his back, his fast heartbeats shaking his whole body awake. He remains silent and unmoving as he hears Jongin end the phonecall._

_"They apparently need me two hours before they shoot live," Jongin relayed to Sehun, "What were you saying earlier?"_

_Sehun looked at him deeply, wishing Jongin could just read minds and realize Sehun have always loved him. Sehun smiles gently at him._

_"I was saying I'll drop you off tomorrow."_

_"What? You really don't have to."_

_"But I insist, Director Kim Kai," Sehun teasingly says, revelling in the way Jongin tickles his side._

_Maybe he will never get to say what his heart feels, but he can always just show how much he is in love with Jongin. Sehun asks of nothing more but his warm body beside him_.

Sehun groans at the loud screeching sound coming off from beside his ear. He reached over blindly to shut the thing off, feeling like the sound is ripping his head open in half. His head pounded like a bitch when he attempted to sit up from his bed. In the end, he just flopped right back to bed, hangover laughing at him from across the room.

He only caught small pieces from the dream he just had. It was more of a memory flashback than a dream so Sehun still remembers the moment like it happened yesterday. No matter how many years have passed, the memory was still fresh in his mind, same goes with the feeling bubbling inside Sehun at that night, their final night.

He groans at the hammering pain of his headache, eternally grateful for whoever took care of his drunk ass last night (Jongdae, for sure) as he sees a bottle of water and some aspirin on his bedside table. He quickly downs the meds in one go, chasing them down with the water.

He felt like he did years ago when he was figuratively killing himself. Drunk nights, hungover mornings, and pockets full of cancer sticks. He wishes he has one at the moment.

But Sehun convinced himself he was a changed person. Jongdae helped him through his slump. He is not the same hideous person he was years ago when he had cut off ties with Jongin. 

He stood up from his bed, staggering ever so slightly before catching himself from falling. His phone was filled with messages from Chanyeol, Jongdae, and Baekhyun and he replied to their concerned messages one by one before walking his way to his kitchen. He fixed up a serving of cereal and a cup of coffee, plopping down the couch in the living room after doing so.

Sehun will do anything to get his mind off of Jongin (anything but drinking and smoking, that is), finding joy in catching the gossip channel open at that time of the day. Of course, juicy gossips about absolutely anyone but him would distract himself from the internal whirlwind in his mind.

A clean bowl and half a cup of coffee later, Sehun finds himself positively distracted by a news about the singer Lu Han apparently having "beef" with Zi Tao, a famous hip hop rapper. They look more compatible as lovers than they do enemies, Sehun thinks. 

Sehun almost forgets he was watching the tv to distract himself from Jongin until the man himself showed up at the channel.

Sehun's heart picks up in pace, knowing he should just change channels if he's still up for the distraction game he was playing. But the sight of him on tv, looking so beautiful and scowl-free, only entrances Sehun into watching the report further.

"It was five years to this day when Kim Kai, young director of clasics such as "They Never Know" and the Best Picture awardee movie "Confession", made his successful debut in Hollywood through his movie "Miracles in December" starring local and foreign actors alike. SBS channel interviewed the young director about his personal life, five years ago and the public could never forget his iconic answers." The reporter said in her best "entertainment" voice, matching the wide smile on her face. Sehun felt like the woman was mocking her through the screen.

Of fucking course it was THAT interview. The same interview Jongin had to prepare for on their last night together. The same interview that pulled the words out of Jongin, piercing Sehun's heart.

Sehun watched as the screen was took over by the pre-recorded interview of Jongin five years ago. His heart clenches at the sight of five-year younger Jongin, his hair the same shade of pink he sported on their last night. He looked so elegant under the camera, sitting on the red plush couch like he's some sort of royalty. 

Sehun's mind once again runs in memories. He can recall this same setup five years ago, the day Jongin left to go be interviewed by SBS. The day Sehun sat in front of his couch, proudly watching Jongin walk on yet another achievement. Nothing but pride for the man he love wracked through his body as he watched the live interview that day. Until that question was asked.

"What about relationships, Kai-ssi? Anyone ever caught your meticulous director eyes?" The interviewer host wiggled his eyebrows at Jongin who laughed at the man's words. 

Sehun's heart had been beating fast right in that moment, torn between wanting to find out if Jonging could ever return the feelings he had caught or remaining to be ignorant about what Jongin ever felt, in fear of finding out the inevitable truth that could rip his heart in two.

Jongin looked so carefree in that moment, eyes crinkled up in an easy smile. He looked like he was asked what his favorite brand of pizza was instead of being asked if he had any love interest at all. Sehun gulped nervously then. There were only two ways this could go: he would be delighted or he would be hurt. The curiosity won him over, wanting to be enlightened.

And of course, he was hurt.

"Oh, no. A romantic relationship isn't really very appealing as of the moment. I'm sure it would just be a huge–" Sehun flicked the tv off as he was pulled back into the present. His reflection from the black screen of the television stared back at him and he saw how broken he looked. His lungs demanded oxygen as he breathe deeply through his nose in an attempt to prevent tears from coming back. The pounding ache in his head only increased as he closed his eyes to rid himself of any thoughts about Kim Jongin but it turned out to be futile, as always.

_Oh, no. A romantic relationship isn't really very appealing as of the moment. I'm sure it would just be a huge distraction from more important stuff._

_A romantic relationship isn't really very appealing as of the moment._

_I'm sure it would just be a huge distraction from more important stuff._

It has to stop.

Sehun frustratedly threw the remote he had been gripping in his hand across the room and to the television, breaking the screen and distorting his reflection, making him look even more broken. He inhaled a mouthful of breath and finally let himself cry out. 

He sat there on his couch, pathetically holding his folded legs to his chest, his whole body shaking in hiccups. His cries echoed off of the empty walls of his house.

He had never been enough then.

He could never be enough.

Nothing ever seemed to work out for the rest of the day. And it showed on his performance during filming later that night.

"Sehun, this is the seventh time," Jongin sighed exasperatedly, training a cold glance at Sehun.

Sehun almost laughed. This almost feels like a deja vu from yesterday's shooting. Except today Jongin was absolutely right in saying this was the seventh time they're filming the same scene and it's totally because of Sehun's lack of attention this time.

"Yeah, sorry, let's run over that again," Sehun said, lacking spirit. He bowed to everyone else in the set before settling at his place.

"In 3, 2, 1, action!"

"Stay."

Soojung's character stared at him in scripted worry.

"I'm sorry, I- You-you're my best friend," Soojung shakily says, reaching a hand over to Sehun and whispering, "I can't lose you."

"... Bullshit."

"What the fuck!" Jongin suddenly cut in. He stood up from his chair, livid. "Are you out of your fucking wits?! That wasn't even in the script!"

Sehun's head ached once again, he felt like the hungover from the morning was still creeping through his brain and it's not a pleasant feeling.

"Look, I'm sorry-"

"Sorry won't cut it!" Jongin bellowed and Sehun pursed his lips in annoyance from being rudely cut off. Sehun had never felt so exhausted. Memories of the night drinking and pouring his heart out for his friends to see, his dream of that final night with Jongin, the recurring memory that have risen up from the interview replayed on the tv that morning, his breakdown. It was all too overwhelming. And now Jongin is screaming at him. Just fucking great.

"You still need me to show you how to do it? I thought you're a great actor?" Jongin is shaking in anger, carding his hands through his hair frustratedly.

"Give him a break, Jongin," Chanyeol defends his friend, even going as far as to calling the director by his name, "He's had a bad day."

"It happens to the fucking best of us, does that make him special?" He pierced a stare at the co-director who levelled his gaze with a glare of his own.

"I'm sorry, I'll go over it again," Sehun interrupted from across the filming set, once again lowering his body to bow in apology to the rest of the crew and to his co-actors.

"No, you'll listen to me," Jongin gritted through his teeth. "I need you to go over this scene the way I want you to and clearly you're not doing it right."

The production team and the actors held their breath as the director walked over to where Sehun stood. 

"Your face, could you look even more emotionless? What, do you have stones for heart? Hm?" Jongin continued, "You're a fucking actor, Oh Sehun, and you're clearly not doing your job well now."

"What do you want me to do?" Sehun asked, tired. Jongin looked like he wanted to scream in that moment, seconds away from ripping his hair off in anger.

"I need you to be one with your character! The way he was left heartbroken, hurt! Do you not know that feeling?!" Oh he knows it well. "You clearly never felt like shit, left alone by the one you love, have you?"

"How would you know?" Sehun said before he could stop himself. The crew just watched silently, fearing for their lives if they decided to interrupt the tension filled air.

"Why? Have you ever felt being left without any clue what you did wrong? Have you ever felt so insecure because they suddenly doesn't want any-fucking-thing to do with you? Tell me, Sehun, have you ever felt being pushed away by the person you love?" Jongin asked. His voice grew shaky and unstable as he dig deeper into Sehun's emotionless eyes, as if searching for something in there. Just something to answer his questions.

"What-"

"Because that's what your character feels. Focus on that feeling and keep your shit together," Jongin finished, voice small. He turned to leave but not before signalling Chanyeol to take over.

Sehun's head hurts more.

He knocked on the door, banged it actually, until the owner finally opened the door.

"I said wai-" Jongin paused from cursing the person behind the door only to realize who it was. "What are you doing here?"

"We're gonna talk." Sehun simply said, walking past Jongin's shocked figure. The apartment still looked like it did five years ago, although some furnitures were replaced. Jongin watched in disbelief as Sehun's modelesque figure strutted along his living room, just like how he always did all those years ago.

And talk they didn't as Jongin approached Sehun's figure siting on the couch, pulling his collar up and staring straight into Sehun's eyes.

"You're driving me crazy, Oh Sehun," Jongin breaths deeply, promptly inhaling Sehun's scent. Sehun gripped Jongin's shirt tightly, frustrated.

"You make me so mad, Kim Kai," Sehun said with as much frustration as he can muster before he was pushed roughly down the couch to lie on his back, Jongin hovering him.

"Stop fucking calling me that." And Jongin dove in to kiss him. Angry, frustrated, furious, the kiss was messy on all the right places. Teeth clashed as roaming hands gripped and tugged and pulled on what the hands could reach. Jongin's teeth pulled on Sehun's bottom lip, eliciting a groan out of Sehun, the sound going straight to Jongin's dick.

Jongin tugged Sehun's hair harshly as he moved from abusing his lips to mouthing down his neck, leaving patterned bite marks. Sehun could only moan in pleasure, despite himself. 

All of those pent up frustration, the tension between them, and the years apart, could only inevitably result to this explosion of emotions and pleasure. It was bound to get messy.

Jongin hastily unbuttons Sehun's shirt, growling at one stubborn button before outright ripping the shirt open, revealing a toned torso.

"That's Louis Vuitton, you numbskull," Sehun had the mind to insult Jongin who only looked smug.

"I can buy you a hundred more of this," Jongin said. Sehun disregards his words, refusing to relish on the thought bombarding his mind about Jongin buying him clothes, spoiling him like a boyfriend would. Wishful thinking, once again.

His thoughts were cut off by the sensation of a tongue swirling over his nipple, Sehun whines. He tugged on the hem of Jongin's black shirt and the man understood Sehun's request. Jongin pulled his shirt off of him as Sehun watched him do so, a feral look on his eyes as he caught sight of Jongin's muscled upper body.

Suddenly he was overcame by a hungriness he could only reserve for Jongin, pouncing on the man and engulfing his mouth with his hungrily. He sat over Jongin's crotch, thighs on either sides of his lap. Sehun shamelessly grinds down on Jongin's hard-on as he explores the inside of Jongin's mouth with his tongue. The sensation of their clothed crotches grinding against each other sends them both to pleasurable moans, neither held back. Jongin gripped his hips so tight, he's sure bruises would grow from there. Sehun tugged on Jongin's hair to pull him back from the fierce make out. Jongin's eyes are lidded in pleasure when Sehun looked at him through his own droopy eyes.

"Bedroom," Sehun whispered on his ears. Jongin groaned.

It was a feat going through the hallways of Jongin's apartment to get to his room. By the time they arrived, they only have their boxers on and three more hickeys increased on Jongin's neck.

Sehun all but pushes Jongin down on the bed before tugging the man's boxers off. Jongin's cock stood proudly, pointing up at his stomach and Sehun salivates at the sight.

"I'll enjoy the meal," he teasingly says before dropping down to take Jongin's length into his mouth, leaving Jongin no time to snarkily reply to his teasing. Jongin let out a shuddering sigh at the feeling of warmth and wetness around the head of his cock. Sehun sucks and licks, paying rapt attention to the head before dropping down lower to take more of what he can take. Jongin moaned out when Sehun sucked and hollowed his cheeks around his length, letting out pants when Sehun matched the sucking with his hands running down the shaft. 

Jongin ran a gentle hand through Sehun's hair and looked down at him working wonders around his cock, Jongin misses this feeling.

"Look at you taking me so well. Your lips look so pretty around me, Sehunnie." Sehun moaned at his words which sent an overwhelming pleasure in Jongin's body

Jongin tugs Sehun's hair to get him off of his throbbing cock, Sehun whining out in protest. Jongin chuckled at him in fondness.

"Gonna come if you continued doing that," he taps Sehun's red lips. Sehun only glared at him and pushed him down on the bed, grinding his clothed dick down Jongin's. Jongin let out a moan in surprise.

"I thought that was the plan? Making you come?" Sehun sassily says, still dry-humping down on Jongin's crotch. The sensation felt so good on both of their hard cocks.

"I'll do it, ah..when I'm inside you," Jongin pants out through the pleasure.

"Years without my dick and ass turned you into this much of a sap?" Sehun harshly bit down on Jongin's protruding collar bone. Jonfin groaned out both in pleasure and in annoyance. He flipped them over and pinned Sehun's arms down on the bed.

"Will you ever shut the fuck up?" He said, tugging down Sehun's boxers and freeing his hardened cock. Sehun let out a high-pitched gasp when Jongin pumps his dick with a quickness that could make him come then and there. He had already been aroused from all the rough make-out's they had and from the blowjob he gave Jongin, Jongin's quick hands working up and down his length could easily get him to come. But of course Jongin doesn't let him.

Jongin reached over to his drawer to pull out a bottle of lube. Sehun watched from where he was lying down on the bed, panting and undeniably aroused, as Jongin covered his right hand with lube. 

He was taken aback, expecting Jongin to stick a finger in his hole, when Jongin slid the slicked hand down his leaking cock. It felt so good, the glide of Jongin's hand so smooth down his throbbing length.

He cries out when Jongin continues his ministrations, tugging up at Sehun's head and pulling down his shaft.

"Jongin, stop. I'm-I'm gonna cum," he pants out. Jongin doesn't seem to hear him as he continues pumping Sehun to his orgasm. Sehun felt the telltale feeling in his gut, rising up as the pleasure kept building up, exploding into squirts of white cum shooting off of his dick. Jongin milked him through his orgasm as Sehun continued moaning out combinations of "ah's" and "Jesus's".

"There's the shooter I have always known," Sehun hears Jongin talk from the foot of the bed. He observes how obviously red and hard Jongin's cock still is.

"Fuck me," Sehun offers himself. Jongin stood from his place and hovered over Sehun, observing his fucked out face.

"You can't just say things like that, Sehunnie," Jongin lowly says, nipping on Sehun's bottom lip.

"I just came once, you already know how much I can take. Stop acting so fucking hesitant," Sehun says, eyes focused on Jongin's hungry ones.

Jongin let out some sort of growl as he lowered his head to capture Sehun's bruised lips roughly. Sehun responds just as eagerly, fighting the tongue that has been breaching the inside of his mouth. The room warms up as lust fills the air once again, the sounds filling up the room are the ones they are both making. Small moans, groans, lips smacking, bed creaking.

Sehun is lost in the feeling of Jongin's mouth on him, he did not realize his hole is being breached by one of Jongin's fingers. He hums at the pleasant feeling, reaching down between their bodies to tug on Jongin's cock, he wants them both to enjoy after all. Jongin's left elbow, the only thing keeping him from collapsing down on Sehun, shakes and almost gives up at the pleasure. 

One finger suddenly became two, two became three, and three became four, until Sehun was a writhing mess under Jongin.

"Take me now, Jongin, please." And Jongin does just that.

Jongin pushes down on Sehun's leg until he's almost folded in half, his loosened hole out for Jongin's eyes to see. He slowly eases his way inside Sehun, both of them releasing moans of relief at the sensation. Jongin stretches Sehun out until he bottoms out, dick flushed deep down Sehun's hole.

"Fuck, that's so good," Jongin whispers, peppering small kisses on Sehun's sweaty chest. 

"You can move," Sehun pushed his hips up in emphasis, eliciting moans from both of them.

Jongin thrusts a few slow experimental thrusts, finding the best angle pleasurable on both sides. And it was calming, Jongin slowly rocking his hips down Sehun's, Sehun could almost come just from this but he wants more.

"Is that all you can manage?" Sehun sounds so bitchy, Jongin knows it's meant to fire him up. And fire him up it did as he thrusted really hard and deep into Sehun. Judging by the loud scream Sehun let out, Jongin just found his prostate.

Jongin smirked to himself before kneeling on the bed, pulling Sehun's hips up on his lap, before thrusting deep once again, finding this angle beneficial for them both when Sehun moaned out once again, clenching down on Jongin's length. Jongin's deep thrusts gradually quickens until he's relentlessly pounding into Sehun's ass, ploughing deep inside him making Sehun cry out in pleasure. Sehun's lower body is outright bouncing through Jongin's hard thrusts.

Sehun's walls engulfed Jongin with warmth and wetness, he can feel his orgasm coming through. Jongin is panting at the physical strain of it all, moaning small whispers of Sehun's name. Sehun felt the throbbing of Jongin's cock inside him and he finds himself coming close to the edge.

"Jongin, I'm gonna-" he gasps out. Jongin reaches down his neglected cock, pulling at it mercilessly until Sehun is hit with an intense orgasm, his sight blackens as he sees stars. The room is filled with Sehun's loud moans, the sounds could come right off of a porn video.

Sehun is clenching unconsciously, bringing Jongin over to the edge as he paints Sehun's inside with his liquid. He collapsed down on Sehun's body, not minding the pool of cum between their tired bodies.

Jongin almost passed out, tired out of his mind, when Sehun shook him awake.

"Pull out," he gently says. Jongin does so, rolling down on his back beside Sehun. He watched Sehun stand up on wobbly legs and disappear to his bathroom only to return with a wet cloth. He's cleaned himself up and moved to do the same to Jongin who is watching him closely.

He gently ran the cloth over Jongin's stomach covered in Sehun's cum, doing the same to his other body parts. Jongin continues to watch his face closely.

"What does this mean?" Jongin whispers after Sehun is done, looking like he dreads to hear the answer from Sehun.

"It means what it means."

Jongin watched helplessly as Sehun plucks out a shirt and a pair of pants from his closet and dressing himself up.

"Are you leaving?" Jongin asked, afraid.

"Thanks for the fuck," Sehun responded, emotionless.

Sehun leaves Jongin's apartment, taking not only some of his clothes but a piece of his heart as well.

Sehun sees no more of Jongin after that night, to his luck. The last few scenes he had to film were directed by Chanyeol and that he was grateful of. He doesn't know if he could stand being in the same room as the director after that night. Jongin himself has been busy finalizing the film. After the filming, his crew had been working through post production, he couldn't find time to talk things out with Sehun no matter how much he wants to. 

Sehun have never been the same ever since that night. He doesn't know what came over him. It was supposed to be a confrontation that had been long overdue. He wanted to be enlightened, wanted to clear his confused mind. But he couldn't seem to get a hold of his body when he saw how much Jongin had looked at him so hungry, like he wanted Sehun. And Sehun wanted Jongin just as badly. He gave himself away, like he always did, to Jongin.

And when he left Jongin in his room, naked and alone, he felt no remorse. After all, he was always just a good fuck, nothing more.

"Sehun-ssi!"

"Over here!"

"Oh Sehun-ssi!"

Flashes of light from the large SLR's almost covering the faces of the paparazzis bombard Sehun who at least had the restraint not to blink too much in case the photos come out with him looking dumb with closed eyes. Interviewers reach over the barricade to point their mics on Sehun but to their dismay, Sehun just nodded politely at them. He walked through the red carpet, smiling gently at the cameras, hiding his jittering fingers inside his customized silk suit pants.

Movie premieres have always been Sehun's _métier_. If anyone could sweep the feet of the people watching the screening, that's Sehun. Anyone would get entranced by the way the actor confidently carries himself, socializing with other stars with ease. 

That's not the case tonight, it seems. Sehun have been trying to get his mind off of Jongin after their hook-up. He is still beating himself up over his haste decisions. Sehun went to Jongin's place to clear things up, finally bring their ugly past up to date. There are things both of them have been keeping to themselves clearly – that's the only reason why they have been both throwing hands against each other like immature high school kids. But of course Sehun just had to give in to Jongin. He never turned him down in the past, seems like he could never turn him down at all. 

In the end, they had sex. In the end, they did not get to talk. Same old shit. Talks and feelings have never been part of their relationship's dictionary. It's all just sex, pleasure, and frustration. It's safe to think of it that way, Sehun thinks. Their affairs in the past were safe, stable. Sehun just had to shake their relationship up with his dumb feelings.

With an even more occupied mind than when he stepped off the company's limo, Sehun struts inside the grand theatre house to be used for the movie screening. The ambience inside the theater is like no other Sehun have felt. He was met by people of different ages clad in, no doubt, hundreds of dollars worth of suits and gowns, graceful servers swimming in through crowds of people to hand out expensive drinks, and huge overhead lights that look like they cost more than the whole theater itself. The whole place looks straight out of a movie. It doesn't help soothe Sehun's nerves at all.

"SMP is one rich bitch."

Sehun turned beside him to see Chanyeol in his dappered suit, sipping from a glass of champagne.

"You look....clean," Sehun says. Chanyeol glared at him through his glass.

"Should I thank you?" 

"Absolutely."

Chanyeol raised an arm, in preparation for The Slap To The Arm, only to realize fancy people surround them.

"On a serious note, though, you okay? Your hands are shaking," Chanyeol worriedly comments. Sehun instinctively digged his hands in the pocket of his pants, twitching to get ahold of something.

"Yeah, I'm cool. Just nervous, kinda, I don't know," Sehun stammered out.

"Dude, you did great. There isn't anything to be nervous about at all," Chanyeol pats a hand on Sehun's shoulder in comfort. Sehun grimaces because his palm is heavy and it felt like a fucking slap more than a pat.

"I know, yeah, I- just..." Sehun trails off at the sight of Jongin from across the large room, staring straight back at him. His heart clenched at the sight, breathing out, "God, I need a smoke."

"I figured you would," Chanyeol chirped and fished something out of his pocket. He took Sehun's hand with his and subtly slipped a cigarette in. Sehun widened his eyes in surprise.

"H-hyung, Jongdae-hyung would– He'd get mad."

"Then he can get mad at me. It's just one stick, you've got better self-restraint now. Go on, calm your nerves down."

Sehun pounced on Chanyeol for a brief but tight hug.

"I fucking love you, Chanyeol-hyung," Sehun says before speed-walking to a place he could smoke at.

Sehun took a long deep drag, savoring the burnt taste of the smoke running down his throat, warming his insides up. He felt his nerves ease into a calm state, his tensed shoulder hunching down to a relaxed stance. If it had been years ago, a single stick of cigarette for Sehun wouldn't have been enough. He would chase after his high with deeper and longer drags of nicotine until the chemical engulfs his senses. It was an addiction that could have killed him if he did not have it in him to change and overcome the addicting feeling. Compared to the nicotine withdrawal he had to brave through when he was pulling himself out of the addiction, the desire for another hit after burning up a single stick does not really shake him much.

"You smoke?" 

Sehun turned around to face Jongin, surprised to see the director up close after months.

"Not anymore," Sehun turned back around, his back facing Jongin. He doesn't want Jongin's face to shake his nerves up again.

"You're literally saying that with a cig hanging off your teeth," Jongin said, emotionless, as he walks his way closer to Sehun. He watched as puffs of smoke leave Sehun's pink lips and out into the cold of the night.

"I quit years ago. Just needed something to calm me down. Nerves and all." Sehun inhales a final drag from the stick, extinguishing it's fire on a nearby ash tray. He faced Jongin once again, "Why are you here?"

Jongin looked back at him, never backing down from Sehun's challenging stare, "I'm the director of the movie you were casted on, in case you forgot."

"I meant why are you right here, in front of me. You don't smoke, in case you forgot," Sehun said just as snarkily. 

"Why did you leave?" 

Sehun is taken aback. He did not expect this straightforwardness. Because among anything else, being straightforward is not something Kim Jongin have always been good at.

Before he could answer, Jongin corrected himself, "That night, you just left. Why?"

"Give me a reason why I should've stayed." 

Jongin stared back at him. All signs of the mean and spiteful director who bellowed at anyone not doing their jobs right, flew out of the window as the man standing in front of Sehun bared himself until he was just a figure with different emotions swimming in his eyes.

"Then why... why would you come knocking on my door...and just leave after some sex," Jongin said, vulnerable. "Is that all I am–"

"I dare you to finish that fucking sentence, Kim Jongin," Sehun snapped. "Between the two of us, I should be the one saying that, right?"

Jongin gaped at him, clueless. He could never solve the puzzle that was Oh Sehun back then, and he stil could not solve him now.

"What do you mean?" 

Sehun sighed in exasparation, running his hands down his face frustratedly. He went out to get his nerves to calm down and now they're burning bright in anger. At least, he's not fidgety anymore.

"I meant let's go back there, the screening's about to start." Sehun started walking past Jongin, avoiding the conversation once again. Jongin doesn't let him. He gripped Sehun's wrist so tight, pulling Sehun to turn back around to face him.

"Will you _please_ talk to me, Sehun?"

And Sehun wants to explode in frustration because no, he doesn't want to talk to Jongin and no, not when they have their movie waiting for them to be watched.

Sehun shakes his hand off of Jongin's hold, and ran away from the director's grim face, like the coward he's made himself to be.

  
"You're coming, right?" Yixing chirped in from beside Sehun, slinging an arm around his broad shoulders.

The screening went successfully well. It was Sehun's first time watching their movie and he himself was surprised by his own acting. The movie was produced well, Sehun is sure it would be a hit, to the teens and young adults especially. People are just starting to pile out of the place to go to their own post-screening parties as the night is still young.

"To your club? Yeah, 'course. I'm just gonna pitch in a ride with Yeol," he told his friend. Yixing grinned at him before walking to his car.

It wasn't long before Chanyeol comes out of the theater, haggard and tired out of his wits.

"What happened to you?" Sehun chuckled from beside Chanyeol's car.

"Jongin is drunk as fuck, drank too much champagne," Chanyeol grumbled, entering the driver's seat. Sehun went to sit on the passenger's seat.

"Huh." Sehun said eloquently. Chanyeol whipped his head in Sehun's direction knowingly. He just remained silent and drove to Yixing's club, leaving Sehun to collect his thoughts in peace.

  
"Yeah! The whole gang's here!" Baekhyun hollered when Chanyeol and Sehun walked inside the packed club. The nightclub is huge and looks expensive wherever you look. The speakers are pumping loud dancing beats while bodies moved along to the music.

Sehun, for a change, did not want to get smashed tonight. He just watched as his friends down shots after shots, laughed along to their words, and danced when he felt like it. 

The music lowered down to a calm groove as Yixing went up to the huge stage at the front of the club. 

"Hello! You guys must be having fun, right?" he loudly said over the microphone. The crowd hollered loudly and Sehun had to slap a slice of lemon in Baekhyun's mouth to get him to shut up.

Yixing contentedly nodded, grin plastered on his face, "This party is a celebration of some sorts, for the success of our movie as you all know," Yixing paused to get the crowd to calm down, "So I want everyone to forget all of their problems for the night and have fun, alright?!" 

The crowd cheered once again.

"But before anything else, I'd like to– Oh, there he is. Kim Kai, come up here." Sehun perked up at the name, turning his head in all directions for his face. He sees him walking towards to the stage, as confident as ever, with a dumb wide grin on his face. He's definitely drunk. 

"We have here the ever so hardworking director of our film, Kai." The people around Sehun applauded.

Jongin took the mic from Yixing's outstretched hand and giggled to it. The crowd laughed along to the director. 

"I hope you give 'The Story of Another Us' lots of love!" He handed the mic to Yixing. The Chinese man gestured to him, as if asking if he had anything more to say. Jongin perked in realization, going back to speaking into the mic.

"The drinks are on me!" And the crowd erupted in cheers, once again.

"Is that the same man who kept screaming at you months ago?" Baekhyun whispered from beside Sehun. He looks sobered up. Sehun just shrugged.

Jongin stumbled off of the stage as the party continues on. He wheezed past dancing bodies, to get to where Sehun and his friends are.

Chanyeol caught his drunk figure when the director got close enough. 

"Jongin, hey, don't pass out on me," Chanyeol said patting the cheek of the drunk man. "C'mon, I'll take you home."

Jongin shook himself free from Chanyeol's grip.

"I can get home by myself," Jongin mumbled, sounding more tired than drunk.

"Yeah but not without swerving your car to your death. I'll drive you, come on."

Sehun swallowed a lump when Jongin looked past Chanyeol and to his eyes. Jongin's eyes glistened from the colored lights dancing around the club.

"I want Sehunnie."

The people who heard Jongin turned to look at Jongin in surprise and then to Sehun who looked mortified.

_What the fuck is he thinking. We're in public_.

"Uh, huh?" Chanyeol confusedly looks at Jongin.

"I want Sehunnie to take me home."

Sehun shook his head furiously when Chanyeol raised his eyebrows at him. 

"Then I won't go home," the director pouted. He pouted. What is he, a fucking baby?

"I'll drive him," Sehun sighed before gulping Baekhyun's beer. He wiped his mouth and turned to look at Jongin just in time for the director to grin at him. His heart hurts. He could never turn him down.

  
For the entirety of the ride, Jongin did not talk. Sehun is grateful.

Sehun supports Jongin's drunk weight from the entrance of Jongin's apartment, up to the halls of his house, until they reached his bedroom. He left the drunk man lying in his bed with an arm hanging over his eyes.

Sehun returned to the room with a bottle of hangover pills and a cold glass of water. Walking to the unconscious man on the bed, he realized the fucked up situation he is in. 

He was jerked awake from his thoughts by Jongin's velvety voice humming a melody. Sehun looked at the sprawled out man just in time for Jongin to sing out the lyrics to the melody he was humming to.

" _I've got a long-term plan with short-term fixes, and a wasted heart that just eclipses_." Sehun ever so slowly moves to drop the glass and the medicine on the table.

" _And I push my luck from trust to dust enough_." Sehun pulls out Jongin's shoes, next his socks. Movements still excruciatingly slow.

" _That's the story of another us_." He paused from unbuttoning Jongin's coat, breathing through his nose to calm his racing heart down, continuing once Jongin continued singing.

" _One last ditch, a new beginning_." Sehun gently removes the coat off of Jongin's body, pointedly avoiding to look at the man's face.

" _So take this heart, put yourself in it._ " Sehun's heart squeezed painfully at the prominent crack in Jongin's voice.

" _This surprise ending I'm depending on_..." Sehun finally looks up just in time for the first drop of tear to escape Jongin's eyes that are still covered by the arm he had over his head. Jongin breathily finishes, "... _Could be the story of another us_."

Sehun's throat ached at the way he swallows back a sob. His eyes are burning and he had to look up at the high ceilings of Jongin's room to not let the tears run free. 

Sehun is not dumb. He knows the implications behind the song and he's not cruel enough to deny what both of them have been feeling ever since they parted five years ago. Hurt, longing, love, poorly disguised as anger, loathing, and lust once they met again. 

His hands are shaking when tender fingers circled his wrist.

"Why do you keep leaving?" 

Sehun looked up at glassy eyes staring up at him with the similar broken look he knows he has on his face too. 

And for once, Sehun doesn't run away. For once, Sehun talks.

"Because you never gave me any reason to stay."

Jongin's eyebrows furrowed in frustration as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"I, I don't understand, okay?" Jongin said, exasparated.

"I don't expect you to." 

The quiet of the room surrounded them, draping them with coldness as words left unsaid hang up their heads.

"When I returned..." Sehun looked at Jongin's face. His eyes closed shut, mouth turned down into a frown. He looks so beautiful yet so broken. 

Jongin continued, "When I returned from that interview," he took a deep breath, "you were gone. Your things were gone. You didn't left a letter or a message, you-you just left." He choked on his words.

"I messaged you, called you, even went to your house but you were nowhere in sight."

"You couldn't live without your fuck buddy?" Sehun said before he could stop himself. Jongin looks so, so hurt by his words he almost wanted to take it back. But it has been creeping in his mind for years he just wanted to take it out of his system.

"You know you weren't just a fuck buddy." Jongin rose up from his bed, sober.

"Of course you'd say that. It's been five years after all," Sehun says bitterly, "You've been deprived for so long I bet you'd say you love me just to have me back on bed." 

The words coming out of Sehun's mouth belonged to the person Sehun was after he cut ties with Jongin. The anger and bitterness did not belong to the person he is now but to the person he was back then. 

"I'd say I love you because I have always did!" 

Sehun jumped at the sharp tone, eyes squeezing shut.

"But you never gave me the chance to say it to you! You–fuck–you're always so closed off, you never talk to me, we never communicated past the late night talks we had in bed, it's always so hard to get things straight with you!"

Sehun is angry, oh he is mad. Now, it's his fault?

"And now it's my fault? Huh, Kai?"

"No," Jongin breathed out, "can we please not fight?"

Sehun's heart is beating loud in anger. Emotions are running freely inside his body he doesn't know what to do with each of them. 

"You said you loved me but you never wanted to give us a try," Sehun said tiredly. What's the point of getting angry when they could just talk everything out one by one?

"Wh-"

"Oh, no. A romantic relationship isn't really very appealing as of the moment. I'm sure it would just be a huge distraction from more important stuff." The way he said it, emotionless and blank, is different from the way Jongin had originally said it. "SBS. The day I left."

Jongin crumbles in recognition. 

"I don't–" he swallows, "I don't m–"

"I was ready to give us a try, you know?"

"I- I didn't. I thought you just left because...all you ever wanted from me was my body," Jongin tears up.

"I thought all _you_ ever wanted from _me_ was my body."

Jongin had risen and crawled towards where Sehun is sitting at the foot of the bed. He reached out a reluctant hand, left it hanging in the air in contemplation, before shakily landing it on Sehun's supple cheek. Sehun released a quivering sigh.

"I wanted everything about you. I still do," Jongin whispered, Sehun closed his eyes.

"I missed you," Sehun croaked out and finally released a sob, collapsing to Jongin's welcoming embrace. His body trembled in strong hiccups as he hugged Jongin's body close to him, gripped his shirt strongly, afraid he'll leave.

Jongin could not hold back the fresh batch of tears pooling out of his eyes. The tears dropped to Sehun's hair. He nuzzled his nose down Sehun's hair and inhaled the scent of his shampoo, sweat, and the intoxicating smell that belongs to Sehun alone.

"I'm sorry," Jongin breathes out, "I'm sorry for whatever I've put you through." Jongin said it with intense sincerity, keeping in mind the moment he saw Sehun smoking.

"Shh," Sehun gripped him tighter, burying his head on Jongin's chest even deeper, "I'm sorry for leaving."

"Don't ever do that again," Jongin scolds him half-heartedly, as scolding as someone with fat ugly tears running down his cheeks.

"Okay, Director Kim Kai," Sehun chuckled despite himself.

"God, I love you so much," Jongin exhaled out, heart filled with so much love for the man he's holding in his arms.

"I'm no God but sure."

"You know you could just say you love me back, right?" Jongin flicked a finger on the actor's forehead, hearing angels sing when Sehun let out a brief laughter.

Sehun pulled away from the tight hug and rose up to come face to face with the person he felt strong feelings with. Love, frustration, anger, sadness, love, lust, love, love, love, more love.

Mustering up all of those love from his system, he said, "I love you, Jonginnie."

And Jongin kissed him.

Their very own movie began as any other film would, beautiful and heart-melting; proceeded at the climax with their own conflicts, heart-stopping plot twists; until the two of them cleared out things to a resolution; and concluding to an ending where they are in each other's arms, the way they both started but clearer in their intention. That's the story of another them. 

"The story of another us."

**Author's Note:**

> additional notes from the fic:  
> 1\. in this universe, jongin wrote 'story of another us' (the song he sang)  
> 2\. 'story of another us' (the movie) is NOT inspired by their story but the song is (listen to the song, it gets really angsty if you read along)  
> 3\. jongin was in fact not drunk at the club, he was a bit tipsy at the theater but sobered up when he arrived at yixing's club  
> 4\. sehun's fingers would twitch whenever he is anxious and back then he would play with a cigarette stick to get rid of the jitters and then smoke it instinctively. jongdae gifted him a customized fidget spinner when he started pulling out of his addiction. it's still the same spinner he has
> 
> anyway, have you seen 1 billion views?!?!? if you haven't, click [here](https://youtu.be/9sLaT9eHAYQ). if you have, click [here](https://youtu.be/9sLaT9eHAYQ)!! let's support chanyeol and sehun, stream 1bv, nothin, on me, and telephone on yt. listen to their whole album on music sites. let's make them proud <3
> 
> let me know what you think! let's be moots on [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/sekaiakgae)!!!


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